Warp Drive

Saturday, August 22, 2009

From the Graveyard: The E! False Hollywood Story - Part 2

I bet you thought that I was going to hold this one back until next weekend.

Night of the Dead Living

A local celebrity made headlines today when he rose from the dead. The coroner had this to say, "I have never witnessed anything like this before, and I have been in this line of work for thirty years. When the body first arrived, I did not know what to make of it. It almost appeared as though there were two men stuffed inside a suit. When the body of the man stood up, and simply walked out of the examining room, I was flabbergasted."

News Now, because News Later is not really news at all.

Now, we have that man with us. He calls himself Conrad Sheldon, and he has quite a story to tell us all. Ahem, it all began on March 23rd, 2003... (two hours later)... and that is how I discovered the lost city of Atlantis, and thwarted the Nazi regime. Back to you, Ken. Up next, we dig deep into the scandal surrounding Mayor Goldman. CUT!

So, that is how The Big Con would have begun. Before that was even on the drawing board, though, meelWORM and I were trying to get Conrad Sheldon into Good Old Adventures (Martin Kool's fancy little online world). I drew the AGI cells, which would later be used in a variety of other programs. Soon enough, Conrad Sheldon popped up in Good Old Adventures as a playable character, and the world was never the same again.

We don't serve your kind here. You'll have to wait outside.

Following that, there was a not-so-top-secret meeting on Chris Cromer's AGI Web Site with a few high ranking AGI fans. Everyone seemed to like the idea of a full length game starring Conrad Sheldon, even after they had all been fooled by meelWORM and I for more than a month. Some brainstorming took place, and before long, The Big Con was born.

If Leisure Suit Larry has taught us anything, it is that you should avoid dark alleys.

After being ousted from News Now, Conrad Sheldon is kidnapped by two thugs, and brought back to their hideout on the other side of town. What they want with him is not made immediately clear, but with some luck, Conrad Sheldon manages to escape. Not without a cool chase sequence, though. Unfortunately, his victorious escape is short lived. He finds himself outside a liquor store in an unfamiliar part of town.

Conrad Sheldon is on the wrong side of town.

Just like in The Wizard of Oz, there is no place like home, and that is exactly where Conrad Sheldon wanted to be. He wanted to be home, with his... computer. Conrad Sheldon would spend the rest of his adventure in search of just that, and in the process, come face to face with a number of friends and foes from his past, including Chris Cromer, Martin Kool(-Aid), Patrick Schiess (Smartguy), and many others.

Conrad Sheldon would eventually find himself outside The White House, where he would meet the man who taught him everything that he knew. A man named George W. Bush. Okay, as it turns out, Conrad Sheldon dreamed the whole thing. I know that a lot of people despise that sort of plot device, but it was the only way to conceive of such a story, and make it work in Conrad Sheldon's world.

If the story seems a bit sketchy, it is because it was never finished. I only wrote a few chapters before I became sidetracked with other projects. One of them being a little project known as Space Ruckus: The Great Invasion. The Big Con was officially canceled in February 2004 after lingering in development hell for several months. 2004 was a year full of game cancellations.

Kill it! Kill it!

As I said earlier, the AGI cells would later be used in a variety of other programs. One of them being Conrad Sheldon's Screen Saver/Kill Conrad, and the other, Conrad Sheldon's Spell Checker/Whack-A-Hick. Much to meelWORM's dismay, the latter seemed to go unnoticed for the most part. You can download both programs in this handy RAR file: http://www.spaceruckus.com/storage/blog/conapps.rar. Just keep in mind that the online scoreboard for Whack-A-Hick no longer exists.

What would you like to misspell today?

In closing, Conrad Sheldon had a longer burial process than Michael Jackson. However, there were no death investigations. It was the simple fact that meelWORM and I would not let it die. Eventually, we came to our senses, and laid Conrad Sheldon to rest once and for all. I censerly senserely hope that hell can hold his fat ass.

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